mundaring weir hotel – mundaring

S: “Can you pass me a mentos so I can get that taste out of my mouth”.

*Rewind 120 minutes earlier*

Sun is shining, it’s the first day of a long weekend, I’m 4 assignments out of 6 down. Life is good.

Thinking I would treat myself to a lunch outing at the Subiaco Farmer’s Market, I strolled down only to be met with the sight of various store sellers packing up and carting their wares out of the vicinity. Thwarted yet again!

S, seeing my lower lip tremble and sensing a full blown tanty was about to erupt, quickly diffused the situation by suggesting we took a nice long drive to Mundaring for lunch.

Now I’ll be first to admit I’m a city girl through and through. Granted, I spent a large proportion of my youth in the Malayan jungles accompanying my eccentric father on boar hunting missions but when it comes to Australia, I am as clueless as clueless gets. Let’s just say that I was once caught saying “Gee, it’s lovely to be in the countryside, the air is so much fresher”. I was in Armadale. 30 seconds later after that statement I drove past a McDonalds.

My knowledge of the Australian countryside however, does extend to knowing that nothing beats a counter meal at the local. Having read somewhere that the Mundaring Hotel was the recipient of the 2009 award for Best Country Pub Steak Sandwich, I was deeply enthused. Unfortunately, all enthusiasm drained away rapidly as soon as we approached the hotel in question. Not only was it a non-descript building at the end of a depressingly suburbian street, there was a giant neon green Emu Bitter sign hanging over the front of the establishment declaring it was the place we were after. To top it off, as we did a slow drive-by we noticed…how shall I put this…hordes of your “rougher looking gentlemen” congregated on the pavement downing multiple pints of no doubt what was pictured on the sign above their heads. This is not the quaint country pub I had pictured in my head (yes I’m aware that Mundaring still isn’t quite “country” but work with me)! Not even the temptation of the best steak sanga in WA could lure me in to dine with Robbo and Gazza, especially after driving for 45 minutes.

With that we soldiered on to the Mundaring Weir Hotel. Ahhh now is what my I had pictured in my mind’s eye.

A long line at the bar counter certainly indicated a good thing…didn’t it? Glancing the menu, I noticed that they had pounced on the trend of other Aussie pubs of late and tried to fancy things up. It wasn’t just a Guinness Pie and Chips, it was a “Steak Guinness Pie topped with cheese and a puff pastry lid served with beer battered chips and salad“. Right. No questions there what was being served. I also noticed they had “Moroccan Chicken Tenderloins served on a large salad with vintage cheese, sundried tomato, roasted capsicum & a mayonnaise dressing”. Knowing that I should stick with tried and tested pub favourites I went for the aforementioned pie. S chose the Ribs & Chips, or should I say… “Marinated Pork Ribs in honey, soy and chilli served with beer battered chips and salad”.

The dining area was ginormous, spread over 3 levels it was difficult to pick where I would plonk myself down. We chose the leafy back corner and with ciders in our hand we were off to a good start. I was willing to overlook the slight delay in our meals as I was still coming off the high of being out of the metropolitan area. When our buzzer beeped though, I was quite perplexed when S came trotting back bearing what looked like our meals under plastic cake covers.

Lifting the cover, my heart plummeted when the first chip I picked up was cold, and undercooked. S said his were still nice and hot so I suspect that a situation remnicent of Wednesday night’s Masterchef occurred (where Phillip the overly arrogant Tasmanian plated up his risotto 45 minutes before it was due to be served). Willing to overlook this (again), I plunged into my pie thinking my fork would pierce the puff pastry lid and it would fall apart oh so gently. It didn’t. My fork bounced off the side and the whole lid came off in one hit. Perplexed I picked it up with my fingers and began gentling nibbling at the corner. Flabbergasted, I shoved it in S’s face and demand he try a bit. He too agreed…it was the hardest bit of pastry I’ve ever come across! It was like a biscuit! I nearly chipped a tooth…and I’m not going to lie, I may have died a little inside.

What lied under the offending discus of pastry was not any more enticing. The cheese had congealed into a pathetic looking lump and the brown contents did not look too appealing. I braved on though and hoped that it would at least taste better than it looked. It didn’t. It was so flavourless that I suspect the closest to Guinness this pie filling has ever got was through the Chef who may have been swigging a can of it in one hand and cracking open some Campbell’s Chunky in the other…Ful-lyy looaaaaded caaaaaaaan.

As for S’s ribs, gristle me timbers?! (I’ve just finished writing an article on the history of rum and I can’t stop talking like a pirate, I apologise).  The sauce itself was quite tasty but it was nothing more than some pasty looking ribs under a mount of sauce. Definitely not the finger lickin’ lovingly basted sticky ribs that we all know and love. There was also an incredibly off putting amount of gristle.

We then burst into laughter when we realised we had just driven all this way for the pleasure of eating some undercooked fries. We soon had to hightail out of the premises when a group of sqawking birds descended upon us. Aha! Perhaps that is what the food cover was for….maybe. S has a swooping bird phobia and for a moment there I thought he was going to pop one on his head as a protective measure (if it works with ice-cream containers…)

On the way home I nearly considered stopping in at HJs for a cheeseburger. I managed to stop myself in time.

PS. Somewhere between Mundaring and Midland a drunk woman on the side of the road leered at us and flipped us the finger. Shortly after she fell over. No word of lie.

1 out of 5 Golden Spoons (Is it possible to give no spoons? It is nearly 8pm and I still have indigestion from the horrendous “pastry crust”. In fact, the unthinkable has happened…I’ve lost my appetite)

$$$ (Meals ranged from $19 to $31 – not that cheap either!)

Mundaring Weir Hotel

Mundaring Weir Rd
Mundaring WA 6073

T: 08 9295 1106

4 Responses to “mundaring weir hotel – mundaring”
  1. TFP says:

    Yes, absolutely, it should be possible to give no spoons! That sounds ghastly, and I’m sorry to hear you felt crook afterwards.

  2. Ah, you should have dined with Robbo and Gazza after all!

    Maybe those plastic covers are to double as spew buckets.

  3. natashalam says:

    Oh my..that sounds terrible! Thanks for the heads-up though..I will be staying well away from that place!

  4. TFP – Agree, I should really review that rating because S and I did actually get food poisoning that night….dodgy!

    Conor – Hmm I think you may be right…how thoughtful of them.

    Natasha – It’s (kinda) pretty to stop in for a drink if you are up that way but yes, stay well aware from the food if you know what’s best for you!

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